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They discuss it, they talk about it a lot. They write books. "Perfect sex, toxic sex." Why, and what kind of sex is perfect-everyone knows. But, why is it poisonous?
Intimate relationships can be extremely complex, confusing, and burdened with various toxins. And they cause a lot of trouble. There is a concept of three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy is not just a physical trait. This is the world we want to build as a couple. Common habits, secret language, the fact that only we know certain things about each other. Passion is a different feeling. The feeling that no one makes me as angry as my partner, does not cause pain and does not give me so much pleasure. Sexual passion is more biological, but at the same time it feeds on various passions that flow from the psyche, appropriating them, weaving into sex all these "I care", "I want", "I miss". Passion is commitment: mental, emotional, material. This is the basic structure of love.
If any of these factors are absent or when they are disrupted, there are imbalances - toxins. For example, betrayal. It is one of the deadliest poisons. In our customs, loyalty and trust in the partner are extremely important. Treason is their absolute violation. It destroys one of the main pillars of erotic and loving relationships: intimacy. Betrayal most often occurs when there is no intimacy and passion between the partners, and the commitment remains. They have a joint loan, a house, a child, they do not think about ending the relationship, but they have already lost hope of finding what they need in the arms of a loved one, so they are looking for passion and intimacy on the side. This is a natural reflex, because everyone wants to satisfy all three needs.
A lot of people write about how to cope with infidelity and move on to a new stage of the relationship, but in life it is very difficult to implement this. It often happens that after cheating, people stay together, but they can no longer trust each other. In fact, complete forgiveness is impossible.
Coldness - emotional or sexual, i.e. different gradations of rejection of the partner. This is a very strong toxin. We usually do this subconsciously to punish the other person. We manipulate sex - using sexuality to control another person is a powerful poison. It is more often used by women. For example: "To bed, but after shopping."
The bottom line is that when sex becomes the currency of bargaining, the woman ceases to enjoy it, and the man does not get satisfaction. They can both even have an orgasm, but at the same time, on a deeper level, the feeling that this is not the case. And they feel it less and less, because why repeat a frustrating experience? In addition, even the subconscious feeling that someone is being manipulated kills loyalty, unrestrainedness and courage.
Men also manipulate sex and do so to exercise or gain power. But, men do this less often, because they feel that they can afford to fully express their sexuality. In addition, it is easier for them to separate different roles: lover, partner, boss or colleague. And even if they sometimes manipulate in the role of a lover, they still feel good - as partners.
Beliefs versus joy
From the surrounding social environment, we get a set of mental scenarios, for example: "Don't do it, it won't be right", which often refer to the sexual zone. They are the most restrictive for women and cause inhibition of libido. The negative pattern is often perpetuated by the first sexual experience and then by a failed marriage - it becomes routine, automatic, and therefore unsatisfactory. And, paradoxically, it is this kind of schematic sex that becomes a comfort zone for women: sexual behavior is predictable, and therefore safe, so giving up happiness seems to them the right way of life. But, the key to understanding the problem is that women themselves often do not know what to expect from sex. They don't know what could be better, they are afraid to experiment. It's like saying "imagine the taste of chocolate" to someone who has never eaten a sweet.
It's easier for a man - his pleasure is in biology. And a woman, if she does not search, does not try, or does not know herself, has no chance of such experiences. "Chocolate taste" in this case is autoerotic, the knowledge of your own body, allowing yourself to think about sex and not scold yourself for "dirty" thoughts. There is no point in buying vibrators or geisha balls until we learn how to communicate with a partner.
No dialogue – no proximity
Lack of communication is another dangerous toxin. Without communication, there is no successful sex. The more partners talk to each other and communicate their needs, the better lovers they become. Meanwhile, our conversation about sex still causes embarrassment, "these things" are simply not discussed. And sexuality, after all, is a dialogue between two people.
Multiple guides provide purely technical advice or repeat myths about sexuality. The press does the same. It offers 170 tricks to achieve 6 orgasms at once. But no one is interested in why there are already six orgasms and why you need to use 170 techniques for this? Why not the only one that just works? Without negating the old patterns, we don't have a chance to create something new. Without dialogue, a woman will not know what her lover expects or what he has to offer. But it will be difficult to talk about this if we do not overcome another toxin transmitted from generation to generation - the schematic way of thinking about gender.
The chance for dialogue, security, acceptance, and intimacy comes only when we have an inner conviction: "I'm fine. And he (she) is fine.". When we think: "I'm not okay," we mean that I won't be able to meet my partner's expectations. When we think: "The partner is not okay" - we give ourselves the right to hold a grudge-whether it's because he (she) wants to make love all the time, or because he never wants to. This leads to an inability to build relationships, because there is a barrier between partners. And they will never meet for pure erotic pleasure.
Patriarchal culture is also one of the poisons. And this has serious consequences: it literally turns sexuality on its head. Our thinking is burdened with patriarchy and all the sins of masculinity. One of the symptoms of this is modern pop culture, where sexuality is focused on men, and women, their beauty, body and grace-a commodity. The breast is not for feeding the baby, but a man's "toy". This follows the thought: a woman should be a seductress, intriguing and alluring. And this completely contradicts the dynamics of the love game and intimacy. In fact, men are more quickly and easily aroused, come to complete bliss and discharge. Women need much more time to get excited, to feel the elements of love play and encouragement. Therefore, in order for the bedroom to be good, it should be the opposite - men should attract, seduce and shape the mood, and women should give in. And everyone will be pleased.
This is a thesis against ingrained cultural patterns and habits - and often, even against the actions of women themselves, who have adopted the role of seductresses. But it's true - psychosexually and biologically, men are much simpler, even their nervous systems are less complex. A woman is "harder to handle", her nervous system is more susceptible to emotionality and nuances. And erotic efforts should be directed at this.
Poison"Delinquent". This is a situation where one person feels guilty and offended. For example, he thinks: "I don't care enough about my wife. The last time I thought of her fondly was a week ago. I feel guilty for not taking care of her. But she doesn't care about me either. She said I was lazy. She didn't notice my gentle gestures and didn't make me sandwiches for work." This toxin binds us together with barbed wire - we are close to each other, but every movement causes pain.
As long as you build your relationship according to this scheme, you release yourself from responsibility. You stop influencing your sex life, its quality, quantity, and what comes out of it. You let it happen. You should move away from comparing who did or said what. Instead, develop an awareness that you are interdependent in the relationship. Because you both contribute to the relationship. We have common ground, and that's great. But there are areas where we go in different ways. And this is also normal. Together we give each other new qualities, but we do not" devour " each other. A relationship is a joint decision.
We are free, we do not need templates - qualitative or quantitative guidelines. By fully accepting ourselves and our partner, we can make love all night - but we can also do it for a quarter of an hour if we want to. Pregnancy is not only a period of sweet expectation, but also a time of anxiety for your own baby. Future parents, often, are too worried about what is possible and what is not, whether it will harm their already forming crumbs.
With a calm course of pregnancy and the absence of medical contraindications, having sex is not only possible, but also necessary!
But insufficient or false awareness of young parents leads to a lot of misconceptions.
The sensations of sex are really very variable throughout pregnancy. This is due to physiological and hormonal changes in a woman's body. But that doesn't mean it should hurt! On the contrary, due to the increased blood flow to the pelvis, the sensitivity of the clitoris increases. Many women experience even more intense pleasure and a more vivid orgasm than before pregnancy.
In the process of sex, you can harm the child
It's a myth. Nature has thought everything out for the people. It is impossible to harm the child "from the inside" — it is reliably protected by the uterine walls and amniotic fluid from any external influences. The mucus plug prevents the penetration of bacteria. And a huge amount of the hormone of happiness produced during sex has a positive effect on the development and formation of the fetus.
An orgasm can trigger a miscarriage
This myth probably appeared in ancient times, when the percentage of miscarriages was much higher due to undeveloped medicine and difficult living conditions. Modern medicine has proven that there is no negative effect of orgasm on the course of pregnancy, if the doctor does not initially diagnose the threat of miscarriage. Therefore, it is very important to be observed by a gynecologist in order to avoid negative consequences.
During pregnancy, the woman's libido is reduced
Everything is individual here. One woman can really feel the extinction of sexual desire, another, on the contrary, can experience a sexual uplift during the entire period of bearing a child. Hormones rule the ball. It is important to listen to yourself and have sex as often as you want. Or abandon it altogether, if the libido "sleeps".
Only certain poses are allowed
The only potentially dangerous position for a pregnant woman, experts call the "lying on your back" position, as in this position, due to the compression of blood vessels, the child may experience oxygen starvation. By the way, this also applies to the position of the expectant mother during sleep. All other positions are quite acceptable if they do not require excessive physical activity from the woman.
It is important to remember! Pregnancy is not a disease. Future parents can and should live a full life, bringing a lot of pleasure. And emotionally healthy, harmonious and friendly relationships between partners are the key to a regular and high-quality sexual life.
However, if for some reason doctors put a temporary ban on sexual relations, then do not get upset. For the sake of your own health and well-being of the baby, you can be a little patient. But, having borne and given birth to a healthy child, you will understand that you did everything right.According to psychologists, anal sex is not a pathology. If a woman has agreed to this type of sex, then she trusts her companion as much as possible. In addition, it is believed that even an ordinary conversation about such sex, awakens the desire of both partners.
There are many positive moments from this sex, although there are plenty of negative ones. There are several advantages of pleasure:
This sex is constantly condemned and put forward new shortcomings. Highlight the main list of disadvantages:
Lovers of thrills will fully enjoy the new sensations of anal sex. During the variety of intimate life, it is worth taking time for your health.